Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have demons in me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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