Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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