Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I could fuck to npr.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
