if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
is wine microwaveable?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
