So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
