i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
