well I can't set my house on fire every night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
