look no pants
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We named our party play list daddy issues
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
