found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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