Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize