She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
