Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
