True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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