I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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