btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
