So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
