so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
