she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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