Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
