Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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