have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
