I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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