I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
