how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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