The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
