I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
