I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize