One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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