somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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