So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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