Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
