I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How external is "for external use only"?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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