used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
