it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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