The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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