You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
two words: eviction party
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
