I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It's Friday. Sex?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
