Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
