Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
