Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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