I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
