If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
