and she was petting her beer can
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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