I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
