I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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