So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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