Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
