I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
