I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
