Redeem this text for a blowjob
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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