i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
