Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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