HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
