like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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