you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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