i would punch a child for taco bell
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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