This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
