She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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