My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
