I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just puked most of my soul out..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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