I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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