you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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