I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize