Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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