just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize