my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
