think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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