It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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