Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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