You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
