I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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