i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
