sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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