Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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