Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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