Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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