i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
