Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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