We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
