its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
