I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
