I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
