It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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