i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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