Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
