I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize