I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
