Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
