I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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