Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
