it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
