Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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