I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
