Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
