it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My ass is underappreciated
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
