i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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