weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
